


Wallace & Gromit drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Wallace & Gromit
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-04-07
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:20:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8483962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 7-Apr-2005; crossover/humor; 100 words.For the wordoftheday100 "comestible" prompt.See also Monty Python's Flying Circus.





	1. Cheese Shop Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Apr-2005; crossover/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[comestible](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/58808.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Monty Python's Flying Circus_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python%27s_Flying_Circus).

A mild-mannered man, followed by an annoyed dog, walked into a cheese shop. "Good morning," he said politely.

"Good morning, sir!" said the owner. "Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! What can I do for you?"

"Well," said Wallace, "I've infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles."

"Come again?"

"I want to buy some cheese."

"Certainly, sir! What would you like?"

"Wensleydale?"

"Yes? Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Wensleydale, that's my name. I'm afraid we're fresh out of Wensleydale, sir."

"Oh," Wallace said. "Well, never mind. It's 100 words already."


	2. Twice In A Blue Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[more strangely than the moon](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

"Let's take the spaceship out of storage and take another trip to the moon, shall we?" Wallace said to Gromit.

Gromit blinked in surprise.

"I know we've already been there," Wallace said, "but there's a 'blue moon' on the same day as the next bank holiday."

Gromit raised an eyebrow.

"We've already had plain moon cheese from a plain moon," Wallace said excitedly, "but we've yet to have blue cheese from a blue moon!"

Gromit put a clothespin on his nose.

"You have a point, lad," Wallace said. "But it could be worse. At least it's not a '[Limburger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y6YPjcQJ4g&t=1m34s) moon'."


	3. The Bounce Has Gone From His Bungee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Mar-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a long-running grudge with physics](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3333751.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

"I've a remedy," Wallace said to Gromit, "to your reaching the 'end of your leash' during walkies... so to speak."

Gromit looked up at him hopefully.

Wallace gestured to a thick cord stretched VERY tightly between a clamp and a winch bolted to his workbench.

"This synthetic tether stretches out by several hundred percent." Wallace plucked the cord like a guitar string.

The cord suddenly tore the winch free from the bench, and flung it through a far window and high into the sky.

"Take cover before it's pulled back!!" Wallace cried.

Gromit quickly put on a well-worn crash helmet.


	4. Cheese Dip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Apr-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[say cheese!](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.

A grocery worker found Wallace fumbling with his shopping-basket in the dairy aisle. "Can I help you, sir?" she asked.

"I beg your pardon, miss." Wallace held up his basket and dropped several bricks of cheese. "Me basket overfloweth."

The worker giggled. "Shall I fetch a push-cart?"

"Thanks, but I'll put this right." Wallace kneeled to pick up his cheeses. But then, he began to build a castle with them.

"Sir?" the worker asked. "What are you doing?"

"[This MEANS something](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdkS0TgEG30&t=2m3s)," Wallace said reverently. "[This is IMPORTANT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMb6Ve_ATCE&t=1m55s)."

"I'll have to ask you to leave the premises," the worker said nervously.


	5. Doggone It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-May-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[you'll hear me howling outside your door](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.

After returning from the pet shop, Wallace set a shopping bag on his table, and then took out a receipt to double-check it.

"Let's see now," Wallace said as he opened the bag. "Dog food... chew toy... flea powder... did I forget anything, Gromit?"

There was no answer. "Gromit?" Wallace called. "GROMIT!?"

And then, he heard sad scratching noises at the front door.

"Terribly sorry, lad," Wallace said as he unlatched the pet door and let Gromit in. "I'd lose me head if it weren't attached."

Gromit rolled his eyes, as if he were disagreeing that Wallace's head WAS attached.


	6. Slush Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Jun-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[dog days of summer](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3338841.html)" prompt.
> 
> Neither of those slushes' flavors sound good to me...

Gromit was sitting upright in a lawn-chair under a tree during a rare British heatwave.

Wallace walked up with two large slushes. "I've just the thing to cool us down," he said as he handed one treat to Gromit. "Mine is Wensleydale flavored and yours is doggie-bone flavored."

He sat in a second lawn-chair next to Gromit. He and Gromit "clinked" cups, and then they both took a sip... and grimaced.

"Sorry about that," Wallace said as they exchanged slushes. "Wensleydale and doggie-bone flavorings look alike."

They took another sip... and grimaced again. "I'll get lemonade next time," Wallace promised.


	7. Glaring Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[bursting with brightness](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3286916.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from _A Close Shave_.

"You've done another grand job," Wendolene said to Wallace And Gromit. "The shop windows are shining."

"The summer sun is at its brightest," Wallace noted. "I have to wear this wide-brimmed hat while I work."

"You would be prone to sunburn," Wendolene said sympathetically.

"It's not just that," Wallace said. "Shield your eyes and I'll show you."

Wallace took off his hat— and his bald head reflected more light. "Oh dear," Wendolene said.

"That's just how it is," Wallace said as he put his hat back on, "for a 'bright fellow' like me."

Wendolene and Gromit face-palmed in perfect unison.


	8. One Hit Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Aug-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[sometimes language is the animal, sometimes it's the gun](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3305357.html)" prompt.

Wallace had whistled for Gromit for some help with his latest invention.

"I'm having trouble with this mallet and chisel work," Wallace explained. "I'll hold the chisel at a six-point-eight-seven-five degree angle to starboard, and then I'll need you to swing back forty-two centimeters to apply a force of..."

Gromit looked at him askance.

"Overthinking it, am I?" Wallace asked.

Gromit nodded.

"You might have a point," Wallace agreed. "Well, I'll hold the chisel, and [when I nod my head, you hit it](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AmbiguousSyntax)."

Gromit was a good dog, and yet he was still tempted to follow Wallace's simplified instructions literally.


End file.
